Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I was really hoping to make a post tonight, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. I got a little over-involved with my "straight" blog reviewing a movie I watched this evening. If anyone here is interested in checking that out, I'll post the link below.
I do hope that everyone is having a wonderful week! I promise I'll get a post or two up (real ones, that is) in the next day or two.
The other white meat: http://to-blave.blogspot.com/
Monday, April 27, 2009
It is official (as official as something that is practically a year away can be), I will be relocating to the Atlanta, Georgia area early next year. I have been doing a lot of research… okay, a little research on the area, and I must say I’m fairly excited by the prospect. From a cultural perspective, I believe Atlanta has a lot more to offer someone of my “distinction” than I have been able to discover in Texas. The mere Internet presence of Atlanta based resources alone is enough to validate that.
So, one of the things I’m trying really hard not to do right now is to make too many long range plans. One of the problems I have faced over the years is that I tend to spook easily, and this usually happens when I start considering all the “what if’s” stemming from a decision. While I certainly cannot be accused of over planning anything, it is no secret that I exhaustively over think everything. When I over think, I freak. I don’t want to freak, because then I do stupid things like quitting electrolysis, and running from beneficial relationships. To the best of my ability, I am trying not to fall into this trap again.
That said I have a few goals I’d like to work toward – a set of milestones that I’d like to accomplish prior to making the move to Georgia. Some are modest goals, others a little more aggressive; but I believe they are all achievable. And regardless of my ultimate outcome (which I am NOT thinking about!), they will all have a positive impact on my life (or at least will not have a negative impact). Here goes:
- Come out to my family
- Establish a healthier lifestyle with good eating and exercise habits
- Save money so I can afford a down payment on a house
- Quit drinking (excessively)
- Lose at least 50 pounds
- Start electrolysis again
- Get my ears pierced (FINALLY!)
- Start practicing music again
- Learn to dance
I think that about covers it. The electrolysis part may be a little too aggressive; it is expensive after all, so it may have to wait until AFTER I have saved enough for a down payment on a house. Otherwise, I believe all of these things are reasonably achievable in the amount of time I have (about 11 months from now). In fact, some of my goals facilitate the achievement of others, which will certainly help.
What do you think? Do you think my goals are achievable? Do you have any suggestions that you’d like to make? I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I am also hopeful that I can turn this particular move into the "right move." Assuming that all progresses as I suspect it will, Georgia will be my fourth state of residence in the last ten years. With each move, I have hoped and prayed that my new home would lead me closer to the resolution of my gender confusion; and with each move, I have reverted to my safe and comfortable (if lonely and miserable) closet. I've taken steps in the past, and continue with some of them today - everything from brief stints with counselors to hormones, to electrolysis and waxing. I've taken baby steps, but each has been followed by bounding leaps back away from the person I believe I truly am. I am determined, however, to make this next move count.
I don't know what that will mean. At the very least, and as a first step, I intend to live my life (at least my personal life) much more openly, and to take advantage of opportunities to explore life in the correct gender role. At the most, I could end with a complete transition, though I am choosing not to think it that far ahead. My first step is to reconcile myself with... well... myself. I want to live openly and unafraid of how that is interpreted by the world. I believe I can get there.
I've started this blog (one of several I have maintained over the years) for the express purpose of documenting my journey. I hope that those who choose to follow along will both enjoy the tales and contribute their own. I look forward to sharing the adventure with you!