Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Why does “the holiday season” fill me with so many negative emotions? I remember a time when Christmas inspired hope, and joy, and happiness in my heart. It wasn’t that long ago. These days, it seems more a reminder of all the blessings I have squandered, and of all the things that shall never be again.
I don’t know what to do with those feelings.
Is it just me? Or does Christmas somehow seem less happy these days?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
It would, I suppose, be possible to continue the delusion for those who cannot cope with such realities. After all, the pictures were largely of our Halloween costume (variants of the photos I posted earlier here). I did, however, make sure to include a few "pre-costume" photos in my short wig, which present a far less "masquerade-esque" appearance. And to top it all, I actually changed my profile picture to the same photo that is now my Blogger profile pic.
These actions were met with uproarious enthusiasm from many of my friends. I received comments (mostly compliments, but even the jibes were in good humor) from people I would never have expected to hear from. The most telling feedback I received though was the almost unanimous silence from my family. That hurt.
It is not that they haven't seen them. I've seen posts from virtually every one of my close family since I posted the pics, and I've even made comments on some of their posts. Still, silence. So now the waiting begins. I am not going to press the issue, rather I will continue behaving naturally, and continue to trickle reality (my reality) into my formerly male online presence. The question is how long it will take, and to what extreme I will have to go before any of my family finally comments.
It's a safe bet, knowing my family, that I will never hear (or see) them speak of it. Maybe we should start a pool!
It's a funny thing, life.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
And happy Halloween!
We actually made it out last night to the block party in Dallas. Our "party" ended up being a bit of a bust, but we still had a good time. We walked the runway and earned our share of catcalls and hoots. We did a lot more walking than I expected, so my feet were killing me by the time we left! Other than that, it was awesome. ;)
Here are a few pics from the evening. Enjoy!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Why does every look at happy femininity remind me of the path I did not take? Why does it have to be so damn hard?!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
As often occurs, a recent reading yielded some wonderful nuggets for consideration, and some powerful thoughts for deeper reflection. The article in the October issue of The Yoga Journal, titled "Branching Out" was written by Sally Kempton. It explores the complex nature of family relationships and offers significant insight into living with the many dynamics involved. I encourage you to seek it out. Even though the article has absolutely nothing to do with gender issues, it addresses a key area of stress and difficulty for many of us in the gender variant community: family.
The article offers some real wisdom for turning family relationships into positive experiences, or at least into situations that do not create negative energy in your life. One statement stood out that I would like to share. "If the meaning of your relationships... is to learn, then no encounter is ever negative." I love that thought. I have often suggested that everyone has something to teach me, and what a wonderful way to create a positive out of a potential negative. Remember - in every situation, there is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Peace out, sisters!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Did you hear the bells ringing last Friday? That's right, yours truly has officially tied the knot! It was very nice, if very quick and convenient. Given my travel situation this year, we had no time to plan a proper event, so we instead ran off to the courthouse and drove to New Orleans for a weekend of fun!
NOLA - It means New Orleans, Louisiana... took me the whole weekend to finally get it!
It was such a wonderful weekend, and while it would have certainly added a little spice; I don't regret not taking a single skirt with me. We had plenty of fun without the costume changes. We arrived in the afternoon on Saturday and checked into a lovely room at the Embassy Suites near the convention center. It was a long drive, so we let our (my) age get the better of us and took a nap before heading for the French Quarter. We spent Saturday night exploring Bourbon Street, listening to some great jazz / blues, perusing a few of the open galleries, and generally getting silly. On Sunday, we strolled the galleries, walked the river front, napped some more, and headed back to Bourbon Street to round out our weekend. So much fun!
Hey, did you know that on Labor Day weekend, the Big Easy plays host to the annual "Southern Decadence" celebration? Me neither! Imagine our surprise at learning we were NOT the only unique couple in New Orleans (kidding, we knew we'd be pretty "white bread" by comparison, even under "normal" circumstances). Aside from a slightly unpleasant mauling experience while trying to wade through a mob on Saturday night, we really enjoyed being surrounded by so many people who made us feel, well, normal.
Being among such a large group of LGBT people was such an uplifting experience. We knew we would have fun; we never imagined we'd find ourselves in such an appropriate surrounding. I did come to one conclusion though - I will NEVER again go to New Orleans without my mascara and heels!
We enjoyed it so much that we're already planning our "reunion tour" for next Labor Day weekend. Who's in?
Monday, August 23, 2010
It's interesting (to me, probably not to you) that I used to write so prolifically on multiple blogs and now struggle to make regular updates on just one. More interestingly, it seems like a gradual degradation of creativity that began years ago.
I actually used to write poetry and numerous short-stories as a child. Later, my creativity branched into music composition. I seem to have peaked and started regression in my twenties. It's like some sad-ironic life-long telling of "Flowers for Algernon." Over the last couple years, though, I have to admit that my extended creative block seems less a loss of my super-powers and more like the recognition of a rut.
In my early blogscursions, I covered everything from movie reviews to political and religious commentary. I dabbled in humor and did a little dramatic writing. I even put the poet hat back on once or twice. Over time, my creative juices seemed to settle into self-analysis and lament. Eventually, the constant examination of self began to nauseate even me. At the same time that I was beginning to realize my own whiny nature and to loathe my self-loathing self for it, I began to realize that it seemed to be a pretty common trend among us trans-folk.
This evolution of understanding slowly soured my desire to blog, and even more so my desire to read and participate in blogs. My presence became scarce. Now my desire to write, and to hopefully write professionally someday has brought me back to the blogosphere. The question remains; is this the next step in my personal evolution, or just another spin around a well-worn block? The coming months (and you, my friends) will have to judge. I encourage your honest feedback.
This is my battle-cry: I will post compelling content with an honest and forthright approach. I will not wallow in the mire of self-pity, but will examine and share the experiences I encounter with an eye toward my eventual sense of self and self-worth. I will not lament my station in life, my dress size, or my overambitious follicles. I will not obsess over how the world sees me, who likes me, or how I got to this place in the world. I will use my words to create my universe. I will paint my self in my own light and reflect the light of the world - the good light - upon my existence. I will construct the image that others take away with them. Upon these pages, I will define myself - not as I was, but as I will be. And as I understand who I will be, who I am will emerge.
Who's with me?
***WARNING: SHAMELESS COMMERCIALIZATION AHEAD!!***
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Things have been soooo crazy. If I survive this year, it's a pretty safe bet that I am immortal. :o) I have made so many changes in the last six months, and have so many major milestones projected to occur this year, that I may quite possibly be dizzy for another decade. I am happy.
I really want to tell you all about all of it, but I've just not been able to spend the time. I will get there. In the mean time, I hope you are all doing well, and I'd love to hear what's going on with you. Leave a comment. Tell me how you are.
Peace, and hope to chat at you soon!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Hello. Things are good; I am good. Just way too much going on to even breathe, much less create blog posts. I will be back, I promise.
After all, I have to tell you about the upcoming wedding (YYAAAAAAYYYY!!!!), and about my wedding dress. :) [floating amid fluffy clouds]