Greetings all, and welcome back to T.E.
I was dwelling a little last night on the topic of sex. Oddly, this is not something that I think about very often - I think a LOT about feelings of loneliness and the longing for intimacy, but sex is rarely a topic for consideration. I wouldn't suggest that sex isn't an interest, but it is certainly very low on my list of priorities, especially right now. Honestly, I've lived a relatively asexual life, and for the most part this doesn't bother me.
The problem I have is that sex, and really, attraction is very confusing. I am attracted to men in general, but seldom to any man specifically. I am also intensely interested in women, and I suspect that I am bisexual leaning slightly to the lesbian side of things. Here's where it gets confusing though. While I am incessantly interested in women, and often even attracted to them, I never know quite what those feelings mean. It's a phenomenon my ex-wife and I coined "The Do or Be Conundrum." See, when I look at a woman, I'm never really sure whether my interest stems from the desire to have relations with her (do) or from the desire to embody her femininity (be). Shut up! I thought it was pretty clever.
In a similar vein, my attraction to men falls all over the map emotionally. In all honesty, I think that my interest relates more to the idea of behaving as a "normal" woman, than it necessarily does to the idea of actually being intimate with a man. I think this is why I seldom feel any real attraction to specific men, (Except for David Duchovny, of course - he can have me any time and anywhere!) even though a majority of my fantasies (though the sexual ones are very few and far between) center on intimacy with a man. It's all very confusing.
In the end, it is usually just simpler not to think about it, so generally, I don't. When I do ponder the idea of sexuality, I often wonder if I would feel less confusion without the presence of a physiological response to stimuli, but ironically, that physiological response is relatively equal regardless of the gender of the specific stimulus. I suppose that makes it a non-factor, but still I wonder. Without the "offending organ," would I find women attractive? I suspect I would.