I just had to stop by and share a little more about the vacation we just enjoyed. Seriously, I’m not trying to rub it in, so I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m bragging! This was without a doubt the most wonderful vacation I have ever enjoyed. The fact that we returned to a house with no drainage and sewage coating our tubs and showers (long story) couldn’t even mess it up. The plumber is back again today trying to fix the problem permanently (why I am “free” to post today rather than working in my office). In fact, the plumbing devastation served only to extend our wonderful respite. We booked a night in a very chic hotel, enjoyed a wonderful dinner in the Town Square, and stumbled upon an art show where we spent the rest of the evening and the better part of the following day. We met some wonderful artists, and I’m already rethinking my paint scheme for the house in order to encompass some new works.
The thing, I think, that has been most amazing about this vacation is the lasting effect it has had on my general outlook. I will qualify by saying that I am cautiously optimistic; I’ve had mini-revelations in the past that have faded over time. Hopefully this is a real turning point… or next step for me. There is no question the impact is real. I simply do not want to “hide” any more. Not that I ever wanted to hide; I just never felt secure enough to live out loud. I don’t feel the same weights holding me down any more. I feel more like me, and I feel more open to allowing people to experience me. So far, the results have been incredible (well, for me anyway).
An example: earlier today, I ran to the store to pick up a few things. While at the store I noticed some super cute belts that were on clearance, so I found a couple that fit me (love them!) and tossed them in my basket. The very friendly clerk at the checkout mentioned how cute she thought one of the belts was, and we launched into an entire conversation about just how cute they were, what sizes were back there, why I chose one over the other, and so on. I left absolutely no question for whom I was purchasing the belts, and I felt no unease about the conversation. In fact, it was entirely pleasant; we were both smiling and laughing the whole time! Just a few weeks ago, I would have struggled even to make eye contact when making that purchase; and I would have been absolutely mortified by the idea of standing there in the aisle trying the different belts on… which is exactly what I did!
There have been countless examples like this in the few short days I have been back. My partner bought me a gorgeous bracelet a while back that she had engraved with my name – “Kate.” Before the cruise, I wore it around the house. Now, except at work, I almost always have it on no matter where I am. Likewise, I have all but stopped wearing boy jeans, and, again except at work, I almost always wear a bra. Even in a sports bra (which I wear to the gym) my figure is pretty noticeable, so there is no hiding. And you know what? It feels great!
Sure I get a few “interested” glances now and then; the grumpy old greeter at the store practically scowled at me as he muttered the “friendly” hello that is his job to offer entering shoppers. I notice, but it does not phase me. I can neither control how someone sees me (regardless of my presentation), nor do I really care what they think. To be honest, I had to chuckle as I briefly considered giving him a flirtatious bat of the eyelashes. I passed on the idea, but I had a good laugh at least. The key is the encounter did not devastate as before. The only affect was to entertain my rather twisted sense of humor. That is a HUGE change for me.
Hmm, I guess this post wasn't really about the vacation. Sorry about that.
I hope you are all having a wonderful week!