Faded Glory

I am emotionally exhausted.  Don’t get me wrong; I am still in a very good place, I have a path before me, and I have support.  I know where I’m going, and I am very happy.  Still, there are just days when you really want nothing more than to curl up in a little ball and cry for a few hours.  Honestly, that’s probably about all I need – a good cry, but I think I am just too drained to be capable right now.  It’s been that way since about Thursday, and that was only about halfway into the emotional upheaval of the last week.

I think one of the hardest parts of making this transition, so far, has been the amount of support I’ve had to be able to offer others while still needing support myself.  I am a strong person, and I have been doing exactly that most of my life; but sometimes – especially right now – I really struggle to hold it together.

So far in the last seven days I have had a major conversation with HR at work, I have experienced my first counseling session, I have had a serious conversation with my children… and several about that conversation with both my wife and ex-wife.  I have received an email from my sister.  I have had a text conversation with a colleague in California who “heard it through the grape vine.”  I have sat through an attempted “family meeting” on the subject of my transition, which went pretty terribly no matter how you rationalize it – not from a support or upheaval standpoint, but form the standpoint that we really never successfully had a conversation.  Hell, two of the four kids couldn’t even be bothered to stay in the room.  The other two were so uncomfortable that the whole thing just came off as a big joke.

Don’t misunderstand, I’m just venting.  I understand all of these things, and I don’t fault anyone.  I know that this will all take time.  The issue this morning is that I’m drained, and I just don’t have it in my to be that brave, strong woman everyone expects.  I could use a shoulder… or at least someone to pretend they want to be in the same room with me.  Today, I feel less like an empowered and motivated woman, and more like an underpaid and taken for granted housekeeper.

I need a hug.

Yes, in future posts you will receive updates on all of those milestones I mentioned and have not yet detailed.  To avoid any consternation, the daughter conversation went okay… not great, but okay.  The email from my sister pissed me off, but at least she’s communicating.  The text from my work colleague was entirely supportive, but potentially hints at a prematurely opened can of worms.  And the family meeting has been suspended until further notice.


I said avoid consternation... not suspense.  I am a writer after all! :)  Tune in next time to enjoy more thrilling adventures from our beautiful heroine - Kat-Girl!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!

Much love,

Kate