I have been struggling particularly with body-image issues recently. That is silly, of course. I have lost so much weight and am in so much better shape than I have been in years. I just still struggle to appear the way I feel… or I feel like I am struggling to appear the way I feel. How confusing. I think it is mostly impatience. I want my facial hair to be gone. I want the hair on top of my head to be long enough to look right. I am tired of my boobs being hairy. I want to be able to go to the swimming pool and not feel like a freak in my bikini. I am so frustrated by all this. I know I will get there, and I know that I am so much closer to my goals now than I have ever before been. I truly appreciate all that.
I just want to be there! Grr.
And this whole pronoun thing is getting really annoying. My wonderful wife is encouraging me to begin openly correcting people, which I may just start doing. When I introduce myself to you as Kate while handing you cash from my purse, responding to me with “I’ll have your drinks ready in a moment, sir” is just plain rude. I can forgive ignorance, but I struggle to think most people are really that dumb… especially when it sounds very much like you are emphasizing the word “sir.” Even the people who are now consistently referring to me as Kate are still referring to me with male pronouns most of the time, and it drives me crazy.
Oh well. Things are still generally very good, and I am truly happy. No matter what, I will continue to remember that I am where I am only because of where I have been, and I will get where I am going only through where I am now. And every day is a better day than the last, because every day is one step closer.
Ooh, ooh! I recently started the process of acquiring a legal name change. With a little luck and of course a few more dollars (as usual), I will very soon not only be able to introduce myself as Kate Lynn DeLong, but I will be able to prove it!
I hope you are all having a lovely weekend.
Peace,
Kate
I'm not sure non-trans people realize just how difficult it is to actually correct someone on a pronoun or a title. Something in your mind goes, "I'm embarrassed that I was called the wrong thing, but would I be more embarrassed if I drew more attention by correcting them?" Our instinct is to think that we've failed somehow, that we have made a mistake or that wouldn't have happened. The truth is, it's their problem. Remember that, especially with anyone representing a business you're supporting, they are there to serve you.
ReplyDeleteKeeping that in mind gives you much more of a sense of power over the situation. I remember the first time I felt that, I was at my bank and a teller referred to my account as "his" while asking a manager a question. I corrected her, "Excuse me, that's her account," and no more than a minute later, there it was again, a "he" at which point my mind went, "This woman is either a moron or a bitch!" and I corrected her a second time, and since that manager happened to be standing adjacent, I turned to him and asked if I needed to move my money to a bank where the employees showed the customers respect. I felt good.
Good luck to you with the legal name change. It was kind of an ordeal where I live, but it may be different near you. What surprised me was that changing the gender marker on my license was incredibly easy, I just needed a note from my doctor. To change one’s name, on the other hand, you must go to the county courthouse to fill out a stack of forms, leave a blood and urine sample, finger prints, ass prints, and retinal scans, plan a court-date, fill out another form to send to a weekly newspaper, get them to run a notice of the name change, get a certificate proving that publication, send out messenger pigeons to the town criers of neighboring parishes, light a large fire atop a hill to signal a chain of fires to run across the countryside, go to court, go to the DMV, go to the Social Security office, and spend one night in a creepy and potentially haunted mansion.
Or at least that's how I remember it.
RC
Yes, that's about the process here. Though in Texas you also have to dance a hoe-down in a cow pasture in downtown Dallas while singing the state song and rooting for the Cowboys... to prove you are a resident of course. Then all that's left is to show that you can fully dismantle and reassemble at least three of the rifles, shotguns, and/or pistols from your personal gun vault while spitting chew into a spittoon at 10 paces. You also used to have to field-dress a deer, but too many of them ended up in sundresses, so that step was recently removed.
ReplyDeleteThe upside is that when the judge signs the order, it comes with a free horse. :)
Thanks for your words of encouragement, and welcome to the blog.
Take care,
Kate