I have been struggling particularly with body-image issues recently. That is silly, of course. I have lost so much weight and am in so much better shape than I have been in years. I just still struggle to appear the way I feel… or I feel like I am struggling to appear the way I feel. How confusing. I think it is mostly impatience. I want my facial hair to be gone. I want the hair on top of my head to be long enough to look right. I am tired of my boobs being hairy. I want to be able to go to the swimming pool and not feel like a freak in my bikini. I am so frustrated by all this. I know I will get there, and I know that I am so much closer to my goals now than I have ever before been. I truly appreciate all that.
I just want to be there! Grr.
And this whole pronoun thing is getting really annoying. My wonderful wife is encouraging me to begin openly correcting people, which I may just start doing. When I introduce myself to you as Kate while handing you cash from my purse, responding to me with “I’ll have your drinks ready in a moment, sir” is just plain rude. I can forgive ignorance, but I struggle to think most people are really that dumb… especially when it sounds very much like you are emphasizing the word “sir.” Even the people who are now consistently referring to me as Kate are still referring to me with male pronouns most of the time, and it drives me crazy.
Oh well. Things are still generally very good, and I am truly happy. No matter what, I will continue to remember that I am where I am only because of where I have been, and I will get where I am going only through where I am now. And every day is a better day than the last, because every day is one step closer.
Ooh, ooh! I recently started the process of acquiring a legal name change. With a little luck and of course a few more dollars (as usual), I will very soon not only be able to introduce myself as Kate Lynn DeLong, but I will be able to prove it!
I hope you are all having a lovely weekend.